Nerd Pride Radio

I'm always mixing up the spellings of "burro" and "burrow". Seems I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground.

Hey, does anyone want to buy a broken barometer?



No pressure.

I was gonna give you a bunch of jokes about vacuums.

But they all suck.

I heard a great joke about Oedipus and Midas.

It was motherfuckin gold.

I just told my kids the Treant joke that Mike mentioned...only my delivery goes like this:

Me: Want to hear one of Treebeard's riddles?"

Them: Yes!

Me: Very prolonged "How..."

Them: No,no,no, stop

I once had a job circumcising elephants. The pay was bad but the tips were huge

Did you hear the pun about the Mariana Trench?

Ehh, nevermind, it's the lowest form of comedy.

Why do I say yes to everything?

I don't no

Here's one from my six year old, it's her best one yet:

What did the duck say to the turtle?

I wing, you lose!

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

I don't want anyone to know how sick I am, so I'm refusing to make out a will. It's a dead giveaway.

what was the last pizza order delivered to the world trade center?

two large plains

To even out the ism's

Hitler was instituting a fitness program into Auschwitz
"Today, ve vill play sqvash!....
Hans vill drive the steam-roller!"

On recieving complaints from the camps, Hitler responded
"Zis is a case of mind over matter. We do not mind, and you do not matter!"

Imagine that being done while holding a finger under my nose.....

Stolen from XKCD:

I took a picture of the transit of Mercury and fried my telescope's imaging sensor. #nofilter

And then the mouseover text:

For some reason, the water in my pool is green and there's a weird film on the surface. #nofilter