Nerd Pride Radio

Did bad memories encourage me to drink tonight? Or did the whiskey dredge up bad memories? Ah, the eternal question.

Hello! Going to sleep. Had a Sauvignon Blanc vs. Pinot grigio taste test that got out of hand in temrw of someone being a bit lightweight and dehydrated and not eating much. For example I wish to have popcorn but how? How? I'd have to go fish out a popcorn somehow and work on it, eat it, etc and that's too much work for me. Wow. So much invvd. Well, akiva I finally have occasion to respond to you expression of the bad thoughts that may arise. My feeling is this is a very dangerous thing because bad plus drinking is like triple bad. Quintuple bad. It makes you dip into the cups for the wrong reasons that encourage more dipping, more rumination yess Googleasst it's A Word Rumination! More ruminating, more dipping, and next thing you know all the joy has gone out of what was meant of soothe your spirits in some way and allow reflection. Well, take the joy and soothing part and skip the bad parts, I would say, with no plan for how one does it but I just feel Ike sad plus drink means way sadder. I am not exactly a good advice giver or speak from position of clarity and purityz lol.

Living downtown is a wild adventure, did a tap takeover, wandered to local dive bar, found a sealed cigar on the ground that I smoked, chatted a lot with some random Bolivian guy that bought me miller lites, and stumbled home and crawled into bed.

Jawbox! And beer!

The bourbon does sometimes bring the bad thoughts. But so does the not bourbon. So . . . How do I get rid of the bad thoughts? Wish I knew.

Reel on a repeating loop . . .

YES
I can't figure out how to change the font size!
Damn!
Finally finally, the universe timing has played out! Let us hear these bad thoughts. I am here not quite yet with the power of second sight. I have only drunk most of the wine and not all of it yet but when I attain the entire bottle we can accomplish something.
What are these bad thoughts and where are they coming from, damn it!
Have you considered but you may need to readjust the crystals in your ears? You think I'm drunk yeah okay I'm not joking about ear crystals read about it online. People need a reset once in.

Before you say anything I'm going to need you to try the 45 and 90 degree angle ear resetting. Then I need you to get to the bottom of this s*** unless blast this s*** away.
by the way there is a certain young lady who is driving a certain old trollish (GOOGLE PHONE MAnssistant, OBVIOUSLY I don't mean a Polish person and o you know itz you know!!!! I'm typing here! Trollish troll is not Pole oh wait - wait my sweet, my artist, my muse, you are making a joke about Hollosh person's being Holes! Oh God, you're sentient my dear phone. I hear you, I get you droll humor! You're SO droll!) Anyways she's trolling a Trollish person on the internet and I am dying with laughter over it but I can't say what it is

The short version of the bad thoughts: overwhelming self-hatred. How my fuck ups (and lord there are many) wrecked any chance of being better than miserable. And that I deserve to feel like this because (a) I’m a fucking up, and (b) I’m a bad person.

The bad thoughts come from empirical reality.

Well! That was poorly typed indeed. I was experiencing minor indigestion at the time. Now I'm more fully possessing my typing finger. The question is, what on Earth have you done wro g? We live in a world of criminals and exploiters, and you are not inflicting bad things on people on this world. No, inflicting yourself on people is NOT bad; you are amusing. So I'm sorry to distlrupt your empirical mechanisms but there itvis: you're living a just life and you'll have to accept that you are. What greater ambition does anyone have audacity for than living justly?

Hey life is wild and can change quickly if we take some proactive steps in the right direction

12 months ago I was fucking a married woman in a whirlwind romance that was exciting but I was also quite lonely in my one bedroom that I was looking at more as a prison cell. Took some productive steps in a lot of areas and now I'm 60 pounds lighter, living with a lovely woman in a bigger place, and in many ways a lot happier. But it didn't happen by ACCIDENT, their was a path I could of taken that would of had me exactly in the same spot I was a year ago.

So I tried An experiment tonight: I started with some bourbon *after* the bad thoughts started.

Still too early to tell, but the results will likely not be promising.

Drinking a toast to my friend on glioblastoma awareness day.

Had a bit of a time Tuesday night and things got blurry but I was informed I was still able to lay down some pipe(even tho I have no memory) with a performance that was described as "adequate" wahoo!

Had the bad thoughts all day; bourbon isn’t helping.

Fuck me.

Real on a repeating loop

Ok dude. I am technically qualified to reply to your post now because I have to had three glasses Pinot grigio. this is not really a rolling drunk as we have occasionally witnessed in this space, for around three glasses in I qualify. so how did you miss she I have regular cycle where either I'm happy because I'm out on some kind of event every couple months and I drink or it's Christmas time and I don't have to drive anywhere and I'm trapped in the house special snow bank so I'm drinking, or who knows what the reason might be but I go for a periodic cycle here and I am amping up that cycle I would say with a greater frequency at the moment not only because I had a leftover piece of wine I was trying to make fettuccine alfredo okay? I put white wine in it I have an open white wine bottle and I got to get the white wine topped off and nobody in this house going to drink it bute me. The

Okay so the point I'm trying to make here; as you see periodically I am in the sauce. I think those fine. Does not interfere with my work my parenting my life my driving my situation my dog care whateve, that's the main thingr. Everything good the drink it's for entertainment and it's a positive. So I'm not going to preach about people drinking because here I am. but the point I'm trying to make is that you are here along with sadness.

The shyness is our topic. Damn ggoole ggoogke Google: SADNESS!!! I'm very concerned that you're drinking one side and that you're drinking alone and that you're drinking a lot sad and low. Sad this damn it. Oh God it won't listen to anything. Anyway the point is I'm worried that you're sad. I feel like drink does not help when you're sad because it just intensifies whatever emotion or feeling. So if you're feeling celebratory then we have a little extra but then it's over. but if you're feeling sad then you just dwelling in a cellar down there in the dungeon of sadness with like enhanced sad feeling. And I am worried about you dude. you have a very negative self-assessment when even though somebody looking in from the outside says this is a smart clever interesting person, living his life right. what is to be made of this thing where you got to tell yourself you are a decent person and like s*** in the world is hard we are facing climate change we have concentration camps and you know God damn the world is a place of constant of suffering. there's never going to be an explanation for this suffering we just don't know why there is so much suffering. but you hurting yourself with sadness into cups is not helping the suffering it any less it's just making more. And I am worried about it and I don't want you to be drinking all the time feeling sad and alone. that is all I have to say and now I'm going to sleep because sleep is the right plan.

I got nothing new.

Reel upon a repeating loop.

An external event prompted a flare up in the most pathetic part of my self hatred today. Yay bourbon!

Bourbon *and* beer tonight; so that’s different. The rest is pretty much the same.